


Sleep is for the weak / Sleepin' for a week, I swear.

by I_dlovetobeknowunknown



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 23:48:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16650217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_dlovetobeknowunknown/pseuds/I_dlovetobeknowunknown
Summary: There were three things Mari knew with absolute certainty:First, she was woken up by an alarm clock (which she didn’t own).Second, she could see the ceiling in perfect detail (when she should be half blind without her glasses).Third, that as improbable, impossible as it seemed, she had apparently hijacked Hatake Kakashi’s body(and she was as fucked as fucked could get).





	1. The Entrance

**Author's Note:**

> Mari’s name is a shortened version of Mariam - meaning it should be pronounced the way Katsuki Mari’s name is pronounced and not like Mary.

The alarm goes off without mercy. Mari groans and pulls her pillow over her head, trying to squash the noise out to no avail. The shrill shriek goes on and on - so close to her ears that finally, mourning the loss of her morning, Mari forces herself up and with a dark glower shuts the stupid thing up. She resists the urge to throw it and settles back into her comfy, warm bed, nuzzling the covers with a yawn.  
  
But no matter how much she moves, the heavy sleep that had tugged at her eyes is gone and startling clarity has taken its place. Mari kicks the cover off, sweating due to the abnormal heat and stares up at the ceiling. Unwilling to move, she tracks the gathering of dust at the edges of her room and it takes a few more restless moments before her lagging brain catches up and takes notice. Horrifying realisation dawns.  
  
She doesn’t own an alarm clock. She has never owned an alarm clock. Her phone should have woken her up but it hadn’t. Instead, an unfamiliar alarm clock in an unfamiliar room had woken her up because this room - the room she’s viewing with absolute clarity isn’t hers. She’s viewing a room she shouldn’t be in with clarity she shouldn’t have.  
  
She sits up and traces her face. No glasses. All hope that she may have blacked out and woken up at a friend's house flees when Mari feels the prickle of stubble underneath her hands. In disbelief she trails her hands down, hoping to hit the familiar swell of flesh but nothing. Nothing. Her beautiful, bountiful breasts are gone. Her hands keep going, tracing acres of muscle until they land between her thighs and Mari breathes shallowly. There’s something there and Mari abruptly let's go, unwilling to entertain the possibility but... there’s no other explanation.  
  
Mari has vivid dreams all the time and she’s often woken up not knowing dream from reality. This, however, this crosses all the lines. All her vivid dreams come from people she knows, people who are alive and never, never has she felt things as clearly as she does now. Her feet hit the floor and she stands up, gaping at the height difference.  
  
Hesitantly, she steps towards the window, where the pale light of the moon shines through. Below her is a whole city, stretches of a different life - a different culture. There are no more familiar skyscrapers or brick buildings. Instead, the night sky gleams clear, void of pollution and on the ground are colourful buildings all squashed together, all round and similar - forming a maze of a city.  
  
_Or a village_ , she thinks numbly, spotting the mountain with unforgettable faces carved into it. And reflected on the pane of glass is the image of an achingly beautiful man who stares back at her, a shock of silver hair falling messily over a lone red eye that spins and spins and spins.  
  
However improbable, however impossible it seems, somehow during the night, Mari has hijacked Hatake Kakashi’s body.

* * *

  
Mari sits on the edge of the bed blankly. Her eyes flicker to the alarm clock which reads 5:45 and then back at her clasped hands. There’s a thin coat of silver hair covering her arms and legs, shining in the pale moonlight and the sight of it edges the hysterical laughter tickling at the back of her throat into escaping. She hangs her head and lets out a sharp breath. Okay, okay, she can do this.  
  
She gets up and roughly tugs the curtains close. Turning back, Mari spots the dull gleam of the forehead protector and swallows tightly. Kakashi is clearly organised if his layout of the next day's outfit is anything to go by. She reaches out with trembling hands, fingers brushing over the soft fabric as she lifts it up and instinctively, lets her hands tie the band across her forehead leaving it to slant over her left eye naturally.  
  
Kakashi probably would have taken a shower before getting ready for the day but Mari, Mari can’t get herself to do it. Every time she catches herself off guard with that exposed face in the mirror - the face that absolutely no one has seen - well, the invasion of privacy leaves her feeling like the worst sort of scum. She takes in the rest of the outfit and slowly dresses, pulling on the standard infantry clothing before heading over to make her bed because that’s what seems doable for now.  
  
Having done everything on her immediate list, she makes her way in front of the mirror and tries to emulate a lazy stance. Mari isn’t quite sure what’s characteristic of the man, excluding all the lame excuses. It’s been years since she picked up Naruto and the ending (despite how cute the next generation children were) made her want to flip several tables over in outrage. There wasn’t much she could do to convincingly act out Kakashi except hope that the eccentric nature of the man would excuse a few minute changes in personality.  
  
Her lower lip wobbles even as she tries to press it into a tight line. Personally, she doubts it. This is a ninja village and therefore, she blinks back the burn in her eyes because having Kakashi arrive with tear-swollen eyes would raise questions. Which is the one thing Mari wants to avoid above all.  
  
She can’t stop herself from drinking in his face (technically it’s her face now, she notes frowning and flinches when the man in the mirror does the same) because Kakashi is undoubtedly handsome and Mari, deciding that not only is it bad enough that she’s taken over his body - she can’t stop herself from lusting over his face too, quickly pulls up the mask. It’s surprisingly easy to breathe through the fabric and it feels comfortable, settling over her face like a second skin.  
  
There’s another pang of guilt and Mari tries to unsuccessfully cast it aside. She’s just stolen a man’s life - invading his body like some sort of parasite - there’s nothing she can do to reduce the guilt for something like that. She blinks. Oh god, she’s just stolen the body of Hatake Kakashi, shinobi extraordinaire and shining example for ninja everywhere. Hatake Kakashi, the poster boy for all things tragic in life. Mari, who never even knew chakra existed until about forty minutes ago, will have to navigate teaching three brats, probably assassinating someone and living with a swirly orange-faced psycho after her head - not to mention leading this rotten village into the golden age of the Rokudaime Hokage.  
  
Kakashi’s lone dark eye stares solemnly at her as she takes a deep breath. She just has to make it through today. She needs to make it through today. Mari lets a small whimper and slumps onto the wooden floor. Kakashi looks back, equally as despairing as she is ~~because she just stole his body~~ \- who on earth did they piss off to land in a situation like this?

* * *

  
Three hours later she’s nowhere nearer to acting as Kakashi as she was at the beginning. Mari’s stomach grumbles and she ignores it, sinking into the warmth of the radiator pressed against her back. Ten minutes pass and it feels like an eternity. There’s no way she can continue to ignore it, she feels ravenous and the effects are slowly getting worse and she’s not getting any better at being Kakashi anyway. Grimacing, she pushes herself up and takes one last look in the mirror, reassuring herself of the foreign face that’s now hers and swipes the keys and worn book from the table before heading out, terrible guilt now mixed with a terrible hunger.  
  
Stepping out into the streets, she immediately squints her eye at the terrible sunlight and then winces when Kakashi’s sharp canines cut the inside of her mouth. That had been a fun surprise to discover whilst brushing her teeth.  
  
Thankful that no one else is in sight, she massages her forehead. Dear lord, how did Kakashi deal with his over-sensitive eyes? The sun is a bloody nightmare and given that he lives in Konoha, which is pretty much prone to sunlight, there's no way Kakashi could have gone about his day to day life without suffering from some sort of a migraine.  
  
Fuck, Konoha. Unceremoniously dropping her hand at the reminder that she’s in a ninja village full of people who torture impersonators, she starts walking down the street trying to act as though her eyes aren’t killing her. Unconsciously, her body falls into the familiar lines of the slouch Kakashi always wore and her hands inched down to bring up Kakashi’s beloved dog-eared book. As soon as she lays her eye on the page, her splitting headache disappears along with the sun’s deadly rays - the entire area around her becoming shaded. Turning the pages over, she discovers little scribbles inconspicuously incorporated along the sides. This, she decides, is the mother effing holy grail as far as she’s concerned  
  
Mari buries her nose in the precious, precious book and sidesteps people obliviously as she continues to walk. Somewhere, a bird caws as it flies overhead and Mari too fixed in her new book, giggles into the porn. It’s actually ridiculously good - completely at odds from what she expected from Jiraiya as a person. Her eye greedily keeps skimming the words, and the only reason she jerks her head away from it is that she can smell food.  
  
Glorious, amazing food. She breathes in the scent and tucks the book away neatly into her flak jacket, ducking into the stall. The food vendor, a young girl of about sixteen snaps to attention and gives a pretty smile.  
  
“Hello, Kakashi-san - your usual order?” Mari nods, eye lingering on the rosy blush underlining the teens' cheeks. Did she... have a crush on Kakashi? The girl giggles cutely and Mari’s stomach sinks, watching her faintly.  
  
Not that the girl isn’t cute - in all honesty, Mari would definitely tap that but she’s Kakashi for the time being and she really doesn't want to abuse his body in any way. Which includes pursuing any line of romantic flings. Not to mention, Kakashi’s body is a twenty-six-year-old and Mari herself is twenty, the girl looks sixteen - sixteen-year-olds just don’t cut the list - no matter how cute they are.  
  
At the reminder of her age, Mari resists the urge to grimace when she receives a bowl of ramen which looks like it's been topped with a lot more effort than strictly necessary. Her hands go down to clasp her wallet and she freezes, where... is her wallet? She looks up at the beaming girl and wants to sink into the floor.  
  
“KA-KA-SHI!” Salvation comes in the unimaginable form of a furious chunin. Mari is yanked out of her seat, grasped by her elbow and she stumbles after the shorter man as he fumes - leaving the ramen girl and her delicious, delicious smelling ramen behind.  
  
“You were supposed to meet the Sandaime three hours ago Kakashi - it’s nearly 12 and I’ve already given out team selections - what on earth were you thinking?” He growls and Mari looks back bemusedly - wasn’t Kakashi always supposed to be chronically late?  
  
He looks up and Mari catches sight of the scar that's etched across his nose and nearly trips. She’s so caught up by exactly who he is that she entirely misses being dragged into a building and only comes back to her senses when she’s shoved into a room with a huff.  
  
Several different judging eyes look up at her entrance, various frowns and smirks all around and she raises a hand. “Yo,” she greets and a hunched up old man with liver spots smacks his forehead in exasperation. The hat perched upon his head gives away his position and the Sandaime turns away from her, grunting in irritation.  
  
She blinks in bewilderment and shuffles inside, politely closing the door behind her. Given that he’s supposed to be the fearsome leader, the old man looks rather carefree as he stands there chewing fiercely at the end of his pipe, billows of smoke emerging uncontrollably.  
  
The large congregation of jounin are all crowded around the Sandaime, staring at something and she quietly slides up beside them. Someone elbows her in the ribs and Mari looks up to a grinning, bearded face. “Cutting it quite close there, huh?” He whispers conspiratorially and Mari stares, unsure of how to react.  
  
“Maa,” she says finally, “I wasn’t quite that bad was I?” Her eye curves into a smile and someone snickers.  
  
“That’s Kakashi’s ‘cool and hip’ attitude for you Asuma.” Another presence throws their arm around her neck and Mari looks down to get an eyeful of boob. Oh, oh wow. A wicked smile crosses the woman’s face who Mari hesitantly presumes to be Anko because there isn’t quite another presence like hers, and she opens her mouth tauntingly. Before Anko can say anything, however, a pulse of chakra fills the room.  
  
“Enough,” the Sandaime grumbles and Mari's back straightens at the command. Well, that answers the question of the carefree old man - the old guy is terrifyingly dangerous and a huge troll for hiding it. “You’ve all gotten your chance to observe the genin. Now go and see if they’re worthy to join our ranks.” The Sandaime pulls down his hat to hide his eyes. “Kakashi goes first.”  
  
Laughter fills the air and Anko slaps her back, hard. “Serves you right, Hatake,” and Mari watches dumbfounded as the old man’s lips twitch. She twitches, that was most definitely a command. Unsure of whether she should salute or not, she lets instinct guide her.  
  
Her mask stretches as she smiles and lazily agrees. “If you say so Hokage-sama.” One hand whipping out the book, Kakashi’s body ambles away and enters the room full of genin. An eraser falls on her head and a mass of dust fills her eye as ruckus laughter erupts in the room. Chaos descends in the form of general excited chatter, with several demands of ‘where have you been’ and some shrieks of ‘what are you reading?’. Stamping down the urge to yell angrily, Mari nonchalantly lets her one eye peek up from the book.  
  
“Team 7 with me,” she says and walks away to the sound of delightful despair. She keeps walking, unsure of whether they were following but ultimately, deciding to not care, thinks about the situation she's found herself in. First things first, will she even be able to carry out the bell test? It took her three hours to adjust to Kakashi's body in order to relatively walk well - would his well-ingrained habits carry out in the battle-field? There are just too many unknown factors and it's not Mari like can fail Team 7. That would spell utter disaster. She can't check out Kakashi's reflexes either because if she can't fight - if her form is lacking in any way it would raise questions. She can't afford to raise questions.  
  
Rapid footsteps sound and something barrels into her and when she looks down, bright, blue eyes stare up at her, glittering in excitement. Oh, hell. "What are we gonna do Sensei? Are we gonna learn awesome jutsu? Are we gonna save a princess? I'm so ready for it dattebayo!" Mari stares. _Please stop looking at me like that_ , she pleads internally as Naruto bounces beside her, a hand eagerly pulling at her flak jacket. Approximately ten seconds pass and her resistance crumbles to dust.  
  
Ignoring Sakura's saccharine sweet tone, she reaches out and snags Naruto by the collar, lifting him up easily despite his flailing and swings him on her back. Silence descends. She buries her nose into the book blithely, as though she has no idea why they've all gone quiet and feels Naruto cautiously wrap his arms around her neck, settling into the piggy-back. _Kakashi has muscles of steel_ , she marvels privately, _what on earth is up with that ridiculous strength?_  
  
"Ah, Sensei?" Mari turns back to see Sakura hesitating, eyes flickering from her face to the sight of Naruto on her back. Ultimately, deciding not to pursue the matter, she instead asks, "Where are we going?". Mari looks at her critically and Sakura scruffs her sandal against the floor as she waits for an answer.  
  
Her eye crinkles into a smile. "You, my cute little genin are going to treat your dear Sensei to lunch!" Breakfast and lunch actually because she’s starving, but they don't need to know that.  
  
“Oh! Oh!” Naruto crows over her head, perking up. “I know a great place! Let’s go and get Ramen, you guys!”  
  
“No way Naruto!” Sakura snaps instantly, wrinkling her nose and then promptly side-eyes Sasuke shyly. “Right Sasuke-kun?”

Sasuke, who looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, just grunts. _I feel you kid_ , Mari thinks tiredly as she watches the mess that is Team 7. She heaves out a huge sigh and claps her hands, the noise grabbing their attention at once and stopping them before an accidental spat starts.  
  
“Alright, let’s go to a restaurant instead then. Somewhere that serves ramen and things that you all like. Any suggestions?” Sasuke’s dark eyes lighten for a second and Mari immediately hones in on it. “Sasuke?” She waits patiently even as Naruto grumbles under his breath.  
  
Sasuke reluctantly nods and then starts to walk off, leading the way and Sakura scrambles to catch up with him. Mari trails after them, walking a steady distance behind the pair in case Naruto decides to complain and shatter the fragile truce. Surprisingly, there isn’t an uproar at Sasuke taking command from the blonde.  
  
Instead, a hand carefully sweeps through her hair, cleaning the chalk dust off it. Amused, Mari stays quiet and observes the two other children, enjoying the moment of quiet peace. Despite her lack of confidence, Sakura is overwhelmingly pretty with a cute little heart face. She has strong muscles forming around her arms - which is why, Mari guesses, she started that inane diet with Ino in the first place. Unlike Naruto's orange garb, which only seems impractical, Sakura's clothes actually are impractical. The trailing cloth twists around her legs as she walks and there's no way it won't be a hindrance in a fight. She needs a change of clothes and soon.  
  
The entire team seems to be blessed with an abnormal amount of good genes and Sasuke gathers considering looks as he walks through the village unruffled. Mari wants to pout at how at twelve, she looked like a gnome compared to them but feels insanely petty for doing so with a bunch of twelve-year-olds and immediately cuts that line of thinking.   
  
They stop in front of the restaurant and Naruto quietly slides off her back, allowing her to step in between Sakura and Sasuke - separating them before Sasuke gets the chance to snap. His expression of frustration disappears as quickly as it appeared but Mari notes the inability to completely conceal his emotions with relief. Sasuke, despite his best efforts, is as expressive as they come.  
  
A server comes out to usher them inside, a warm greeting already falling from his lips when he notices Naruto. There's a split second where Naruto shrinks in on himself and his eyes flicker to her. He shifts, jerking his eyes away and straightens up, blaring orange impossible to ignore as he purposefully sticks his chin out and glares - completely unapologetic about his existence. "Is there a problem here?" she asks, Kakashi's voice emerging as cold as the arctic wind and the server musters up a pathetic looking smile.  
  
"Not at all, Shinobi-san." He opens the door and they file in, waiting as he shows them to their table - a quiet booth at the corner, neatly tucked in. The dark lighting is soothing and as they sit down, Sasuke looks around, posture tight and strained.  
  
Mari pats the space beside her, allowing him to sit and leaving the tumultuous duo of Sakura and Naruto to sit together on the opposite side. After a minute of consideration, she reaches out and casually ruffles his hair, turning a blind eye to the way he freezes. “So,” she asks, ignoring the commotion on the other side, “what would you recommend Sasuke?”  
  
From where he’s butting heads with Sakura, Naruto immediately looks up. “Eh? How come Sasuke gets to decide, huh? You bastard - ack!” He chokes and Sakura surreptitiously removes her hand from under the table, undoubtedly having pinched him into silence. At both Mari and Sasuke’s glances, she blushes, coyly looking up at Sasuke from under her lashes as she pushes a stray piece of hair behind her ear.  
  
Mari stifles a groan when Sasuke stiffens under her hand. This team is a ticking time bomb, she thinks and speaks aloud. “Well, Sasuke’s the one that knows this place best, right?” At Naruto’s stubborn glare she coaxes, “He’ll know the best ramen - you want the best ramen, don’t you Naruto?”  
  
“The best ramen is at Ichiraku’s,” Naruto mutters but grudgingly accedes. Sasuke shrugs off her hand and Mari lets it drop without protest, positioning her arm on top of the table so that her elbow brushes against his side instead.  
  
“Well, if it’s Sasuke-kun then I don’t mind what the food is,” Sakura says with glittering eyes and Naruto looks mutinous. He crosses his arms angrily and stares out of the window, cheeks puffed up and looking rather like an adorable chipmunk. Mari clears her throat to get rid of the rising laughter and at her side, Sasuke looks up suspiciously.  
  
When their eyes meet, he whips his head away - hiding his face behind his laced fingers. Cute. “Well then kids,” Mari says cheerfully, taking joy in being able to carry out the one thing she can remember. “Why don’t we all introduce ourselves? I’ll go first shall I - set the precedent and all. I’m Hatake Kakashi, I like miso soup with eggplant and rice with beef in black bean sauce-” at the corner of her eye, Sasuke pauses in his orders to the waiter and adds the aforementioned dishes to the list- “I dislike those who are lower than scum. I have plenty of hobbies and dreams for the future... hmmm, maybe you’ll find out one day.”  
  
Naruto, who had been watching sulkily until now, leans forward eagerly. “I wanna go next!”  
  
“Sure,” she agrees easily. “Just no bad mouthing your teammates.” Naruto pulls a face but lets it go in the face of his excitement.  
  
“I’m Uzumaki Naruto,” he starts off enthusiastically, eagerly slamming his hand onto the table and earning growl of sheer annoyance from Sakura for his efforts. Naruto actually brings his loudness down a notch, subtly shifting to the left and away from Sakura and Mari takes it all in, observing calculatingly.  
  
She holds up a hand for a pause and surprisingly, Naruto stops obediently. “Let’s change one rule shall we?” She holds up a finger as she talks. “None of you are allowed to mention a person specific to your likes, dislikes, hobbies or goals.” Naruto squints his eyes at that and Sakura’s mouth falls open, looking uncertain and Mari pushes forward, holding up another finger.  
  
“I want you to add your strengths and weaknesses in ninjutsu, genjutsu and taijutsu respectively, and any other facts you think are important. Additionally, I want you to talk a bit about where you want to specialise, why and how you aim to reach it.” She thinks for a minute and then adds, “Remember, be honest. I’ll check with Iruka-sensei afterwards to see if you’ve lied.”  
  
A complete lie of its own of course. She doesn’t need to check with Iruka. Mari’s pretty sure that if she goes back to Kakashi’s house right now and rummages around for a bit, she’ll find files on the kids. She doesn’t need to know about their abilities - they just need to know about each other.  
  
“Sensei didn’t have to say all that,” Naruto protests, not even acknowledging the variety of food being spread around the table.  
  
She gives a noncommittal shrug. "I'm the Sensei," she reminds him, pulling her dishes closer to her. "I don't have to do anything I don't want to."  
  
Naruto opens his mouth and promptly shuts it when a bowl of steaming ramen is placed in front of him. He grins, delighted and pushes aside old grievances entirely as he splits his chopsticks, diving into the food and shoving it in his mouth with a scarcely understandable ‘Itadakimasu’. Sakura lets out a sound of disgust and eats at a more sedate pace, taking small, prim bits of her own food and stealing occasional glances at Sasuke who reaches for the bread, having already forked out most of the salad and almost all the tomatoes onto his plate.  
  
It’s at this moment that Mari realises she has no idea how to use chopsticks. She eyes the food, hunger grating on her nerves and takes a deep breath in. She can’t eat without the chopsticks and she can’t afford to try and figure out to how to hold them either. Praying for patience and pressing a hand against her demanding stomach, she raps the table softly, gathering Naruto’s attention. “Weren’t you going to introduce yourself next?” She prods and Naruto nods, slurping down the hot soup and settling the bowl back down with a sigh.  
  
He drags a sleeve over his mouth and burps, gathering him a filthy look from Sakura as she scoots away slightly. Sasuke lets out a barely audible sigh. “Here,” he says, handing her a fork of all things and when Mari looks down at him in astonishment he looks away, glowering down at the tomatoes as though his small act of kindness is their fault.  
  
Unable to help herself, Mari ruffles his hair, fingers gently scratching against his scalp as though petting a cat and he hunches into his food. “Like I said I’m Uzumaki Naruto!” Naruto mumbles out from where he’s tearing a piece of bread with his teeth and they turn to look at him as he chews and swallows. “I like ramen and I dislike the three-minute wait after pouring boiling water. My hobbies are pranks and watering plants, and my dream is to become Hokage!”  
  
He snaps his chopsticks towards them. “I’ll be respected beyond anyone else in this village! By the way-” he waves the sliver of bread left in his hand- “why’d you order bread, bastard?”  
  
“They gave it to us,” Sasuke says flatly, “it’s complementary.” Mari looks at the fork and then at the spread of food. There’s a whole mix of different cultures gathered on their table and suddenly, overwhelming relief flows through her at Sasuke’s choice of restaurant. Thank god for small mercies. She wholeheartedly digs into the meal, chopsticks laying unused to the side. Sakura, who had just witnessed the interplay with owlish eyes, lays down her chopsticks and carefully picks a fork of her own.  
  
“Woah,” Naruto mutters, “they gave it to us for free?” He stuffs the last bit of bread in his mouth. “As expected of these stuffy places, I guess.”  
  
Sasuke narrows his eyes and when Mari looks up to give him a deadpan look, Naruto scrunches up his face before giving in and admitting, “Alright, Alright I'll get to it, geez!" He scratches his cheek. "Ninjutsu is what I’m best at - I’m really good at the substitution jutsu and the transformation jutsu - I even made a supercool jutsu based... on it...”  
  
His eyes dart to Sakura, sensing the aura of doom emanating from beside him and he hurriedly changes the subject. “I’m not really good at the academy clone jutsu but that’s fine because I learnt an even more awesome jutsu!” He grins at them. “I can create shadow clones and loads of them at that. You can actually hit these ones which makes it dead useful, unlike the academy’s stupid clones.” He pauses. “Ah,” he adds bluntly, clumsily tacking on at the end, “my genjutsu sucks. I can never sense when I get trapped in those lame things.”  
  
Sasuke snorts. “You forgot about taijutsu, moron,” he points out dryly and Naruto bristles.  
  
“I would have gotten to that if you hadn’t interrupted me,” he shoots back. He sniffs haughtily. “Anyway,” he says, giving Sasuke a nasty look, “like I was saying, my taijutsu is pretty okay. I had to figure out how to get the forms to work by myself cuz nobody wanted to pair up with the baby of the class.” He waves a hand dismissively. “Not that it matters, I can spawn hundreds of shadow clones and keep ‘em coming. Even okay taijustu works when you have a literal army.”  
  
Mari takes in the considering glances Sakura and Sasuke are giving Naruto. Bingo. Before she can move things along, however, Naruto completely steamrolls over her. “I want to be Hokage so I guess I’ll have to focus on strategy and stuff but my heart lies in ninjutsu! As for how I’ll get it done, I’ll use the help of my friends!” He smirks triumphantly. “With Iruka-sensei and the old fart, I can do anything!”  
  
Sakura smacks him over the head. “Naruto you idiot! You weren’t supposed to mention people,” she scolds as Naruto clutches the back of his head comically. She straightens up in dismay when she realises it’s her turn.  
  
Sakura wavers for a bit, looking unsure before finally speaking. “I’m Haruno Sakura,” she stands up and bows, “and from today on I’ll be in your care, Kakashi-sensei.” Her face flushes as she sits back down, twisting the hem of her qipao around and around her fingers and Mari stares wide-eyed. Even Naruto’s watching her, stunned.  
  
Guilt bubbles over and it’s official. Mari is an asshole. Even Kakashi hadn’t raised their hopes like this in the original round, knowing he might potentially drop them. Then again, Mari has to take Team 7 - she has no other choice. But the thought doesn't lessen the guilt. _I shouldn’t be here, these kids will die under me._  
  
Unaware of Mari’s glum thoughts, Sakura continues with her tentative introduction. “I like shiratama anmitsu and pickled plums and I dislike being judged on appearance alone. Um, I guess my hobbies are memorising interesting things - since I have a good memory. My dreams for the future are...”  
  
She bites her lip. “To be an accomplished kunoichi and make it to jounin?” Mari hums in acknowledgement, somewhat relieved at hearing about a reason other than Sasuke.  
  
Clenching her hand into a fist, Sakura nods, a determined light entering her eyes. “Yes, that’s right - I want to make it to jounin!” She starts picking up the pace, now more confident of her words. “Though I don’t have a lot of chakra, I have really good chakra control. That means I’m suited for both ninjutsu and genjutsu but my stamina is really bad, so I won’t be able to carry out the techniques for long.”  
  
“Yeah!” Naruto injects, cutting her off before she can begin to expand on taijutsu. “I have the opposite problem! Iruka-sensei said I have a lot of chakra but not enough control.” Taking a look at Sakura’s ticking eyebrows, he raises his hands, chuckling weakly. “Aha, Sakura-chan I’m sorry. You were saying?”  
  
Sakura takes a deep breath, putting her fist down and frowns contemplatively. “I only know the academy forms for taijutsu, so my taijutsu is pretty basic and I’m not sure what I want to specialise in. I guess to fix that I’ll hit up the library and find out a bit more about my options.”  
  
As one, they all turn to look at Sasuke who stares before hanging his head with a sigh. “Uchiha Sasuke,” he says, pushing his empty plate away as the waiter cleans up their table and laces his hands in front of his face. “I like... tomatoes,” he grudgingly admits, gaze skittering over Sakura love-stricken look. He lowers his face further behind his hands. “I dislike a lot of things, but most of all those who take what they have for granted. I don’t have any hobbies-”  
  
“Unless training counts,” Naruto mutters mulishly under his breath, shielding his side and leaning away from Sakura, anticipating a blow. Mari feels a headache coming on. This team is screwed.  
  
Sasuke’s face darkens. “My goal is something I will make into certainty - I will definitely restore the Uchiha name.” Oh, boy. She swallows back a sigh, eye lingering on the boy warily. Different phrasing but same meaning. _It’s going to be a long couple of years._ “I excel at ninjutsu and taijutsu and I’ve already mastered the great fireball technique.” His mouth tightens. “My genjutsu... needs some work.”  
  
They stare at him, waiting but no other information is forthcoming. Mari actually sighs this time, unable to hold it back anymore. Who thought it’d be a good idea to shove three dysfunctional kids at Kakashi again? Now she's the one who has to deal with all of this.  
  
“Ano, Shinobi-san?” Something white is placed in front of her. “Would this be a good time to pay the bill?” She looks at the server and smiles, eye crinkling into a crescent and lightly pushes the receipt away.  
  
“Ah, my cute little students are treating their Sensei. Isn’t that right kids?” She keeps smiling even as she hears Sakura huff something that oddly sounds a lot like 'cheapskate'. The kid's fork out the cash and Naruto looks at his significantly less fat wallet in dismay, clutching the frog to his chest. Mari clears her throat and wags a finger at Sasuke, diverting their attention back to the topic at hand.  
  
"Now Sasuke," she says as he leans away from her subtly, "it's not fair that the other two finished this exercise and you didn't." He looks disgruntled and she raises an eyebrow. “Do you not know what you want to do after restoring the Uchiha name? How about aiming for Hokage?”  
  
“Sensei! You can’t, bastard! I’m the one who’s gonna be Hokage.” Naruto protest, getting to his feet.  
  
“Is that so,” she says. “Well,” she represses a devious grin and sweeps her arm in Naruto’s direction, “How about becoming Hokage alongside Naruto?”  
  
“Noooooooo.” Naruto howls, clutching his face in horror as he staggers back, plopping down on the seat and Sasuke smirks.  
  
“I think I will,” he says lightly and Mari nearly cackles. His eyes dart to hers, bright in amusement and his lips twitch.  
  
“In all seriousness though,” she says, “have you thought about what you want to specialise in? Even the Hokage needs to specialise in something - the Fourth specialised in speed and seals.”  
  
Naruto’s insistence on ‘no’ stops as he takes in the words. “Really?” He asks in excitement.  
  
“Yes,” she confirms. “You said so yourself didn’t you? That you need to look into a strategy to be Hokage? Though I would encourage you fondness for ninjutsu more - you seem to have a knack for inventing stuff.” Naruto beams and Mari looks down at Sasuke. “So?” she repeats, “what do you want to specialise in?”  
  
He furrows his brows. “Taijutsu,” he says at last. “When I get the Sharingan, ninjutsu and genjutsu will be no problem but I’ll need the speed and the stamina.” He looks up at her. “As my jounin-sensei, you can assign taijutsu-specialists to me, can’t you?”  
  
Mari looks away from him and peers out of the window, bracing herself for the next part. It’s already falling dark outside as evening approaches and she’s delayed this long enough. “I can,” she agrees, “but that's only if you pass my test first.”  
  
Naruto chokes on his drink. “You - what the hell!” he splutters. “What's this about a test? We already did a test - see? See?” He points at his headband and Mari shakes her head.  
  
“That’s the genin test," she informs them. "Jounin hold their own tests to see if genin are worth their valuable time. It's different for every jounin and far, far harder than your graduation examination.”  
  
“What happens if we fail the test?" Sakura asks worriedly, twisting the tissue in her hand and ripping tiny bits off.  
  
“Hmmm, how should I put it? Depending on my decision, you either go back to the academy or quit as a ninja entirely.” Naruto’s eyes bulge out and beside her, Sasuke stiffens.  
  
"You damn swindler," Naruto fumes, shaking gama-chan. "We paid for your meal and everything, thinking you're our Sensei. Cough that money back up!"  
  
"Ah," Mari says sheepishly. "No can do, I'm afraid." She holds her hands out. "No wallet, see?"  
  
Naruto leaps onto the table and crouches, glaring down at her and Mari presses her back against the seat. "Why you -" he growls, and that's as far as he goes because suddenly, he's being pulled back roughly by a dainty hand.  
  
"Naruto," Sakura hisses, "You idiot!" She buries her fist solidly in his head and he whimpers. "How dare you make the same mistake twice on the same day! Do you want to kiss Kakashi-sensei too?"  
  
Sasuke scowls, shifting his gaze away from the two. "That's why you got us to talk about ourselves," he says and instantly Naruto and Sakura stop. "You gathered information on our combat abilities." Naruto straightens up from Sakura's hold, looking wildly at them and Sasuke narrows his eyes at her. "That means the test will probably be some kind of survival training."  
  
Mari smiles at them. "Good," she praises, patting Sasuke's head approvingly and he knocks her hand off. She turns towards Naruto. “How about I give you guys a hint about the test then? Will that do as payment?”  
  
Mari grins ominously when they give eager nods, even as Sasuke tries to downplay it. She leans forward and tries not to cackle when she sees them all hold their breath.  
  
“Order a plate of dango.”  
  
“...”  
  
“...”

“...”  
  
“What - what the hell!” Naruto yells, pointing a finger. “How’s dango a hint 'ttebayo?”  
  
Mari stands up and brushes past Sasuke, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "If you're smart you'll figure it out." She waves a hand nonchalantly as she turns to leave. "We’ll meet in front of the academy at 6 am tomorrow. Don’t be late."  
  
The door swings behind her as she steps out and breathes the fresh air. "Hmmm." She looks up at the lilac sky. "Now, if only I can find my way home."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know, Mari ate with her face uncovered in front of the kids. No that isn't a mistake on my behalf but it is one on her part. Thankfully for her, nobody actually saw her face. 'How?' you ask? That'll be covered in an upcoming chapter! She seriously lucked out there, hehe!


	2. The aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aka Mari blows an emotional fuse and figures some things out.

Forty minutes later finds her standing in a graveyard. She huffs out an amused sound and sits down cross-legged on the grass, facing the gravestone. Mari traces the characters engraved on the polished stone, the metal plate of Kakashi’s glove clinking against it as her hand moves.

  
“Hey Rin,” she greets, “it’s been a while.” The wind stirs, darkness has fallen completely and she looks at the smooth stone, fresh flowers still placed on top of it and sighs. Kakashi’s obviously been here recently. No one else would clean the stone on a regular basis or leave fresh flowers.

  
She looks up at the sky and breathes in the scent of fresh rain. It'll start pouring soon. She closes her eyes, mourning the man whose body she occupies. Whose life she took. Who will never be able to interact with what little remains of his family ever again.

 

“Hey Rin,” she says softly, “do you think you can forgive me?” _I killed your friend_. She breathes shallowly and opens her eyes, fighting the sting in them. Mari keeps her tears from flowing freely, blinking them back even though they would get washed away by the rain which starts to lightly drizzle. 

 

“Minato-sensei’s son is on my team,” she says thickly, _but Kakashi isn’t here to take care of_ _him_ , “I’ll take good care of him.” Mari bows her head. “I promise.”

 

“I-” _he died, never getting the repentance_ _he sought_ , “I still don’t understand why you did it,” she confesses. “It’s a bit cruel don’t you think?” She leans forward, placing a hand on the cold, wet stone. “Using hi - _me_ like that and leaving me behind to watch over Obito?”

  
She takes a deep breath. “In any case, I’ll live enough for the both of us,” she promises, “I’ll protect the village that you loved so much,” _Kakashi._

 

 _Hey Rin_ , she thinks staring at the name, _do you think there’s a little room in there for Kakashi as well?_   Mari raps the stone with her knuckles and smoothly stands up. “Look after him, will you?”

  
She caresses the metal of the forehead protector, trying to engrave the words into the sign of Kakashi’s legacy. “I’ll come and visit you soon,” she vows and walks away, letting her feet guide her.

* * *

  
Kakashi’s wet clothes cling to her as she walks down the streets of his home, and she takes in the sights and sounds of the place he loved, even despite the great pain it caused him his entire life. Konoha is as alive at night as it is during the day. The great trees around the village shadow her, providing shelter and they buzz with life - no doubt nurturing the Aburame’s insects. The moon glows, pale and bright, shining the village with light and Mari fights a shiver which has nothing to do with the coldness of her clothes.

  
She fumbles with the key as she moves up the stairs and inserts it as soon as she reaches the top, opening the door and slipping into the house. Somehow, she stupidly feels safer as soon as she’s inside Kakashi’s house - pressing against the door as though it’ll protect her from the sinister truth that lurks within the moon. She tugs off the forehead protector and shimmies out of clothes, grimacing when she has to peel them off her skin and gingerly holds them between the pads of her fingers.

  
Without the forehead protector, her Sharingan blazes - an ominous red glowing in the darkness of Kakashi’s room and it drains her - pulling insistently at her core and greedily taking more and more of her energy. She feels tired, weary and the coldness seeps into her bones as she stands there, naked and aching in a body that’s not her own. Mari wants to collapse onto the bed, wrap herself up in the duvet and not move an inch.

  
She can’t do that though. She has three young kids depending on her and more than that, she just swore on the grave of Kakashi’s best friend and to Kakashi himself, that she’ll look after the village and the kids. That she’ll try her hardest. So, Mari sweeps her eyes around the room and disregards just how broken her body feels.

  
There’s no way Kakashi lived in just this one room when the house is huge. He had to get his clothes from somewhere, had to shower somewhere, eat somewhere and that somewhere, was somewhere other than here. Somewhere that’s not visible to _her_ , but most certainly was to Kakashi.

  
She keeps looking, keeps searching and - there! Mari hones in on the glowing writing on the wall, just beneath the slightly unfurling wallpaper, which glitters opaque under her Sharingan. She moves forward and hesitantly, touches it. It looks just like the scribbles on Kakashi’s book, except larger and more refined.

  
If it is a seal, as Mari suspects, then it probably requires blood. She narrows her eyes and bends down to pick up the book from her damp flak jacket, turning it over from side to side. It’s absolutely dry. So it works without blood or maybe, Kakashi had already added blood beforehand and it only needed the once to activate? She frowns and then scrubs her face in frustration. No, in the morning when it activated, Mari just had to touch it - it activated on its own when she started reading it.

  
Mari drops the book and stands up, pressing both hands against the wall - right above the writing. She breaths, in, out, in, out, and closes her eyes. Down and down she goes, to place where she can feel an insistent drain and she settles, sinking into the core until all of a sudden she’s warm. The dull throbbing in her arms and legs recedes, the bitter cold being replaced by something heavy and warm and comfortable and when Mari opens her eyes, she surrounded by white. Dripping in it as it coils around her frame, insistent and razor sharp, crackling like lightning.

 

The wall beneath her fingers disappears, forming three separate doors instead. “ _Holy shit"_ , she breathes, _I just accessed chakra._ Mari looks at her arms in awe, and the fragile awe quickly turns to dread when her legs start to shake. Oh god, how does she turn this off? She’s leaking chakra everywhere and at this rate, someone will notice. “Turn off,” she whispers, “oh god, please turn off.”

 

It doesn’t turn off. Light-headed and excessively dizzy, she wrenches the first door open. She gets three seconds to witness a dining table and what she assumes is a kitchen before she closes it and staggers to the next one, which turns out to be a closet or a storage place - she can’t tell and moves on to open the last one to find a bathroom.

 

“Shower,” she croaks and moves in. Her gaze swings from the toilet to the shower, indecisive and her body makes the decision for her.

 

Unable to hold it back anymore she rushes to the toilet seat and sits down, letting go not half a second later. Something warm sprays on her foot and she jolts awake, staring down half in disbelief and half in horror. Below her, a pool of urine gathers on the tiles and she watches it spread faintly. Fuck. Her gaze shifts between her legs. _He’s circumcised_ , is her first coherent thought, followed by, _oh my fucking god_.

 

Horrific humiliation burns through her. This. This is what she had been trying so hard to avoid the entire day.

  
Mari roughly swallows and tries to remind herself that it’s her body now - she should get used to it. It’s of no use. The back of her thighs are wet where the liquid had spread and she sits there, shame and self-disgust filling her in equal measure as the smell of urine fills the air.

  
It’s the first time she’s seen an actual dick in real life and she chokes back the disgusted laugh that gurgles up her throat. This isn’t how things were supposed to go. She shoves her face into her hands and just sits there, ignoring reality even as places where the liquid had run turns cold. This isn’t - she shouldn’t have - Kakashi - she takes a deep breath, blinking back tears, Kakashi is dead.

  
This is her body now - which includes the genitals. She gingerly gets off the toilet seat and treads toward the shower, legs trembling with effort. The chakra drain has taken its toll on her and she leans against the wall as she turns the water on. Cold water spurts down on her and it takes all she has not to collapse on the floor.

  
Sobs rip their way out of her as the water blends hot, thick and fast and she presses her hands against her mouth and throat vainly, as though if she presses hard enough she can force them back in. She just stands there, half-bent and tries to catch her breath.

  
Finally, with shaking hands she twists the knob, bringing the water to a close. Before, she had mourned the man but hadn’t really realised what it meant for her. _She’s dead._ Her life - everything she’s achieved, everyone she’s loved, everything she was - it’s gone. Mari - Mariam doesn’t exist. Kakashi doesn’t exist. And in the middle, stands an aberration somewhere between them both.

  
Mari stands up and slowly, slips past the mess, careful not to touch the liquid and exits the bathroom, only pausing to grab a towel from a shelf as she goes. Stepping into the warm room she heads straight to the mirror. In the morning she hadn’t looked. Now, she looks.

 

There’s water running down his - her body. Pink nipples stand stark in the air and she rips her attention away from them to lean into the mirror. Kakashi has thin lips, she notes, a bit chapped but flush with life regardless. She shakes her head and blinks away the droplets of water clinging to her lashes, scrubbing at the mirror when it mists over due to her warm breath. His scar stands out, a deep vertical gash stark against his pale skin but even that doesn’t divert how beautiful he is. 

 

Kakashi, the bastard, is effortlessly good-looking. His strong cheekbones are striking and Mari reaches out to softly drag a finger along his narrow, tapering jawline. She watches the way his Adam's apple bobs as she swallows and looks down.

 

Hesitantly, she palms the muscles around his arm, feeling the way the muscle shifts under her hand as she moves and then moves her hand down, gently running a finger against the scars littered there. There’s a patch of hair missing from the top of his left hand. _It looks_ , she thinks numbly, _as though someone tried to stake a kunai right through the middle of his hand_. No wonder he wore those gloves. She moves to his chest and then sucks in a breath when her hands just run down a flat expanse of muscle.

  
She shouldn’t be surprised. She felt it just this morning. Except, it’s hard to forget a lifetime’s worth of habits. It’s hard to forget a lifetime’s worth of having a completely different body. She sinks down, settling onto to the carpet and blinks though her faint vision.

  
There’s fatigue running through her but she has to do this. Kakashi has well-developed abs and like the rest of his strong body, this particular aspect has various scars that stand out too. Around his belly-button Mari pauses. Following the line of coarse hair, she surveys her new additions. Her ears burn but she looks and takes it all in. This is all hers now, she has to get used to it.

 

Letting out a shaky breath, she moves her hands down the creamy expanse of his thighs. Her new legs stretch, long and gracefully. The skin here isn't untouched either and under the thin sheen of silver hair, scratches and scars curl their way around his form. She still has ten perfect toes though and all limbs accounted for and she's deeply grateful for it. Adjusting is going to be hard enough and though disabilities seem unavoidable in a Shinobi lifestyle, it's relieving to not to have to worry about it currently. 

 

She lifts her head to stare at the mirror again. This is her now. 

 

"I'm you," she whispers and despite the effort it takes, she stretches her face into a hesitant smile, "and damn if I'm not one good looking fucker at that." 

 

With one last look, she slowly gets up. With small steps, she makes her way to the door in the middle and opens it. Eyeing the container labelled 'Ration Pills', she cracks the lid open and throwing away her reservations, chucks it into her mouth. Praying that it doesn't somehow make the situation worse, she starts to chew and almost spits it out.  _It's so sour!_

 

Eyes watering she forces herself to continue chewing, hand pressed against her mouth to prevent throwing up. The immediate relief that the pill provides her body is almost worth it. Almost.  _Blergh,_ pulling a face, she swipes one of the bandana's hanging in the closet and ties it around her eye. 

 

The darkness dampens her chakra drain and she pauses on her way to the first door to look at herself in the mirror and lets out a slow whistle.  _Damn._ She looks like a naked pirate. A hot naked pirate.  _Hubba Hubba._

 

The taste in mouth brings her back to reality and clutching the wall, she opens the door and shuffles into her kitchen/dining area. It's a homely place, but the only thing she currently has eyes for is the sink. Hightailing it over, she opens the nearest cabinet to find a row of glasses neatly stacked along the shelf. The taste of cool water is the best thing she's tasted the entire day. She hadn't realised just how dehydrated she'd made this body in her effort to avoid the toilet.

 

Swiping her the back of her hand over her mouth she lets out a sigh as she leans against the counter. She's got to take better care of her body from now on, given that she _stole_ it from someone else. Giving up a silent apology to Kakashi, she saunters back into her bedroom and plucks a sweatpant from Kakashi's closet. Wiggling into the pants, Mari eyes the line of organised boxes on the floor of the closet. Each one is labelled and she crouches down to pull one particular one towards her.

 

Rummaging through it she lets out a triumphant exclamation when she finds three sheets of paper. The names Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura headline each paper and she places them down next to her before rifling through the boxes adjacent. She finds a stack of old newspapers three boxes down but she hesitates, biting her lips as she looks at them consideringly.

 

Finally, she grimaces and whispering another  _'sorry, Kakashi,'_ she selects the most abandoned looking bedsheet from an upper self and makes her way over to the bathroom, pausing only to set the files on the kids on her desk. Entering the bathroom, she takes the fabric she had carried over and throws it over the pool of mess under the toilet seat. Then she takes some tissue and wipes down the seat. She'll have to clean the place with bleach tomorrow morning and mop the floor but for tonight, the fabric will soak up the liquid.

 

She can throw it away tomorrow. Wrinkling her nose, she flushes the toilet and washes her hands thoroughly before leaving. Despite the fact she took the Ration Pill, her body is still overwhelmingly exhausted. The only thing those pills did for her was preventing her from passing out. There's no way she'll have the energy to clean in her current state given that she's mentally, emotionally and physically spent. 

 

Sleep first. Then everything else, she can sort out later. 

 

Exhausted she falls onto her bed and a few seconds later sleep pulls her under. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No edits, we die like men. Jk - if you do notice anything that needs fixing pls let me know. Also, sorry if that grossed you out but I really wanted to explore this aspect of the story realistically.


	3. Team 7

Four hours later the alarm jerks her awake. Blearily, she blinks, half raising her head from the pillow before reality rams into her. Groaning, she pulls the covers up to her face and lays down, staring up at the ceiling.

 

Half-heartedly, Mari slowly forces herself out of bed, a hand reaching out to tousle Kakashi’s gravity-defying hair as she yawns, the bandana already having slid off sometime during the night. When she gets to her feet, it takes a second to adjust to the height difference again and she stumbles, clutching the wall as she stares down at her feet.

 

Long, defined legs seem to stretch for miles as she looks down and Mari grimaces, raising her head to see that she’s once again surrounded by four walls. The doors have disappeared. The tendril of unease is shoved away with force and Mari straightens up face blank. She will not allow herself to fall apart.

 

The files on the kids she gathered from last night are still on her desk, right where she left them. Mari’s fingers clasp around the head of the chair as she drags it slightly backwards, wheels allowing it to smoothly move back and she lowers her weight onto the chair, scrutinising the papers - Sharingan already the words burning them into memory.

 

The wheels squeak in protest as she uses her feet to roll the chair forward, tucking her body into the desk and she leans over to flick on the lamp resting to the side. It flickers on, casting dull shadows on the wall behind her with its low light and Mari lowers the papers in her hand onto the desk once more, curling into the chair as her mind works furiously.

 

Kakashi’s long limbs tangle contently into the small space and Mari sighs, tilting her head back to rest against the comfy fabric of the chair. She glances down at the face staring up at her. _Uchiha Sasuk_ e, it reads in fine print beneath the picture, _Genin 012606._

 

Sasuke, more so than the other two, will require a bit of finesse to handle. He's a cute kid if she's being honest and with a good heart from what she witnessed yesterday. But he's been severely traumatised and most probably brainwashed by Itachi's Sharingan. Not to mention, there's also a madman with his family's eyes embedded in his arm who would love to get rid of Sasuke.

 

After what happened to his family, Sasuke doesn’t owe the village his loyalty, Konoha failed _him._ But Orochimaru isn't much of a better option. Statistically, Sasuke's rate of survival would be better if she found ways to bind him to the village.

 

That isn't her choice to make. Unbidden, her eyes fall onto the paper. _Antisocial_ , his file reads, _keeps his distance to prevent personal connections._ Her loyalty is to her team and to her team only. The best path she can foresee is to bind the kids to each other. Make sure that their first priority would be each other, not the village.

 

Mari lets out a sigh and then groans, scrubbing her face as she slumps against the desk. So many choices, so many ways she can ruin the three kids in her care. _One_ mistake, one is all it would take for things to fall apart. She exhales and then moves her hand so that she can stare down at the sheet again. Sasuke would definitely need a psych evaluation - she doesn't know who handled the aftermath of the massacre but knowing Danzō had his sticky fingerprints over that mess, she doubts Sasuke got the support he needed - he still lives in that damn compound for god's sake. It's a ghost town and a child lives there. That's creepy enough as it is without taking in the fact that he literally lives surrounded by the physical proof of the massacre, every single day. 

 

Then there's Naruto... the less said about his emotional coping methods the better. She's only experienced it for a day but if that kid keeps repressing his emotions to put on that mask then he's going to explode one day, spectacularly. And it's not just that, there are simple things that need be focused on as well. Things adults should have taught or taken care of. Things Naruto was never taught. 

 

Sakura is the least worrying but worrying all the same. Inner Sakura had only shown to be positive for Sakura in the manga but things like having a separate entity in your head only you can hear need to be managed well. 

 

Damn, she's going to start making connections. She grimaces, she needs Yamanaka finesse for this - preferable Inoichi himself but it goes without saying, approaching the Yamanaka means she also raises the hackles of the Nara and the Akimichi which... she needs but... she drums her fingertips against the wood, well, she'll just have to burn that bridge when she comes to it. 

 

She needs to get her kids help without somehow rousing the suspicion of three of Konoha's mightiest clan, out of which one is literally headed by the Jounin Commander - freaking _Shikamaru Nara's_  father and the other by someone who heads a torture and interrogation team. But... her fingers come to rest. If she succeeds in this, she has support against Danzō. Inoichi had one of his kids poached, he might be complacent now because of the Sandaime but what happens when the clans are informed that _all_ their clan kids are getting stolen - not just one here and there. 

 

Not a lot of complacency would be left then. 

 

Her eyes catch sight of the clock and she grimaces before standing up. She still has to clean up the bathroom and figure out a game plan for today, urgh. Shaking her head, she rummages around her bed for a bit before finally swiping the bandana from underneath the covers. 

 

So much to do. So little time.

* * *

 

Fifty minutes later finds her in Kakashi's kitchen. It's tedious but cleaning her bathroom had allowed her some time to quell the panic about the upcoming day. By the time she's finished cleaning, showering and getting dressed she has a semblance of a plan formed in her head. It's something at least. Digging out Kakashi's cereal box, she eyes the container containing the ration pills with disgust before finally plucking up the courage and chugging it down with some milk.  _Yuck._

 

She flicks through the few manual books and journals she had unearthed while she eats absentmindedly. She has no idea why Kakashi has these in his possession but it's not like she's complaining. The plan she has is a bit messy but she only needs to test out three jutsu's today and the manuals are perfect for it. They're all on chakra theory and the regulation one needs when performing the hand signs for the most basic jutsu. 

 

Physically, she feels a lot better than yesterday too. Whether it's due to the overwhelming amount of ration pills she's taken or because she's finally settling into Kakashi's body, she doesn't know. She just needs it to last until the end of today. Reaching the page she wanted, she hums and lays down her spoon - pushing away her bowl in favour of tugging the book closer. 

 

She takes a deep breath in. Here it goes: curling her hands into the positions shown in the book, she doesn't even notice when her fingers shift through the motions comfortably, chakra raising lazily until its done. Dumbfounded, she just stares at the book as though it contains all the answers.

 

What. 

 

What just happened??? How did the chakra even rise that smoothly? There was no visible output, none of the struggle she felt last night. Maybe she should have seen this coming, even this morning there was less resistance and no appearance of the white chakra. White chakra. Wait a minute.

 

White chakra... white chakra... her eyes widen. "Holy shit," escapes her mouth weakly. White chakra - as in  _Hatake white chakra?_ That one? The one Kakashi hadn't accessed in over a decade? " _Holy shit,_ " she repeats. She didn't even know that it could be accessed apart from the tantō. No wonder she had such a hard time yesterday. Dazed, she just stares blankly for a while.

 

Huh. Today just seemed like a day for revelations. Slightly comforted that all future endeavours wouldn't leave her in a chakra exhausted coma, she tries out the other two jutsu on her agenda and shifts through them as easily as breathing. 

 

Leaning back, a satisfied grin crosses her face. Maybe things could work out after all. 

 

* * *

 

"Yo."

 

Raising a hand, Mari suppresses her smile at the identical glares that are shot in her direction. How cute. The kids look absolutely miserable, standing in the cold air and clutching their backpacks as they huddled together for warmth. 

 

"You're late," Naruto shrieks as Sakura gives a venomous scowl, nodding enthusiastically in affirmation. Sasuke just looks on with dead eyes. Oh dear. "We've been waiting here for ages!"

 

Her eye curves into a blatantly fake smile. "An hour and a half later is early by my standards," she points out and then fully opens her eye, "you really didn't do your reconnaissance after yesterday? I'm usually three hours late to everything and that's an average."

 

Naruto gapes at her and when Sakura subtly steps on his foot, shaking her head when he looks her way, he lets it go mulishly. "Well, what's the test then?" He asks, crossing his arms together as he squints at Mari angrily, "this better not be another scam."

 

Mari presses her book against her chest in a wounded manner as she says long-sufferingly, "To think I was actually being nice to you brats as well."  The three of them look at her attentively, even if Naruto does it sulkily. Good. 

 

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out the legendary bells. They jingle as they're held in the air, glistening in the slight sunlight. "You have until noon. Find me and get the bells - the whole village is your playground, so you have my permission to go crazy." 

 

She holds out her fingers in a slight salute and smirks. "Have fun," and promptly dissipates into smoke. Hearing Naruto's scream of outrage as he realises exactly what happened only makes the whole thing better. 

* * *

 

"That bastard!" Naruto fumes as he stares at the place where their demon of a Sensei disappeared. 

 

"Care to explain dead-last? Or are you just going to continue screaming?" Sasuke asks from behind him. Sakura stares at him, arms crossed and lips pursed. 

 

"You," Naruto glares, "just shut up okay?" He says irritably. "We don't have time for this. Our bastard of a Sensei has a head start on us - he wasn't even here the entire time. He was using a freakin' shadow clone!"

 

Sakura straightens, "A shadow clone," she repeats slowly before honing in on Naruto with startling scrutiny. "The physical one - how is that even possible? I thought that it was outlawed?" She narrows her eyes. "How do you even know this Naruto?" She demands. "Are you playing another prank?"

 

Naruto knocks her hand off before it could reach his forehead and ignoring her startled expression, takes a step back. "I'm not lying okay. It takes a shit ton of chakra but it's possible. Besides, that guy was in ANBU - don't think anything's outlawed to those guys - they _are_ the law." 

 

At Sakura's dubious expression he snarls, "I'm not stupid okay? I can do those clones, that's why the normal clones never worked for me. I  _already_ told you yesterday - it's not my fault neither of you bothered to listen! And just because I didn't do any reconnaissance like the way they taught at the academy doesn't mean I don't know stuff. Shinobi gossip. All the time. It only takes a couple of drunk shinobi to spill that guy's entire life story." 

 

Sasuke, who had stopped moving away at the information that Kakashi was ANBU, turns around and Naruto feels a chill of dread run down him. He takes another step back.

 

"What do ya want, bastard," he asks warily, hands up. 

 

"You can really do those clones, dead-last?" Sasuke asks quietly and when Naruto nods, he's grabbed by the collar and pulled along as Sasuke walks.

 

"What - what the hell bastard?" Naruto yelps as he's dragged. "Let go of me!"

 

He massages his neck when he's let go abruptly. "You're useful, so you're coming with me," Sasuke says clinically, "I've seen you pelt chunin with paint and then outrun them throughout the entire village. There's probably no one who knows the village as you do." Sasuke looks away. "Then there are those clones. If you can do them, we can cut our time in half looking for Kakashi." 

 

Naruto gapes. "Jeez, Sasuke," he says awkwardly, but then he catches Sasuke's eyes and a look of silent understanding passes through them. For a moment, all Naruto can remember is a lonely boy on a bridge and another boy, mirroring him as he stands on a pathway. 

 

"He's a Jounin," is all Sasuke says, breaking the silence before turning around and starting to walk off.

 

Naruto closes his eyes and lets out a sigh before hollering, "Wait up you bastard!" as he starts to run. 

 

"But what about me?" Sakura asks in a small voice. At this Naruto freezes. When he turns around, Sakura is staring at them hurt evident in her face. Her face crumbles momentarily before she sniffs and forces it into a hard expression. If they both choose to ignore the wetness swimming in her eyes that's neither here nor there. 

 

"You aren't going anywhere without me." She says forcefully, "I'm Kunoichi of the year and I earned that." She raises her chin and looks at him firmly. "You need me. You can't even dispell a genjutsu Naruto and even Sasuke admitted he's weak in that area." She takes a step forward. "My chakra control is in the 99th percentile, you can't afford to leave me behind."

 

Having said her piece, she strides forward, pushing past Naruto and towards Sasuke's retreating back. Stunned, Naruto only follows, arriving to stand beside Sasuke as he waits at the main intersection of the village. 

 

"Naruto make your clones," he orders curtly and for once, Naruto complies quietly. Around thirty clones pop and smug pride slithers down his chest at Sasuke and Sakura's expressions. 

 

"You should have them henge Naruto," Sakura says quietly and at this Naruto bites the inside of his cheek already knowing the outcome. When he forms the signs, the henges come out nicely - just not as clean as they needed. There are small inconsistencies here and there, a big glaring neon sign for any Jounin. He takes a deep breath in, preparing to defend himself and abruptly falls short when there's no criticism.

 

Sakura observes his clones critically, her forehead crinkled while Sasuke watches, his hands in his pocket. "I can't believe I'm going to say this," Sakura starts, disgust thick in her voice, "but Naruto, use your Sexy no Jutsu."

 

Naruto stares. "Sakura... are you okay?" 

 

A twitch appears on Sakura's eyebrow. "Just," she takes a deep breath in, clenching her fists, "do it, moron!"

 

He looks down at her hands. "Okay but you can't hit me," he points out and waits for her slight nod before going ahead. All of his clones transform and Sakura pinches one by the elbow and brings her to stand in front of them. The Naruko smiles coquettishly, sliding her hands around Sakura's neck to rub her cheek against Sakura's and okay, that one is definitely defective because there's no way he's that suicidal. 

 

Sakura's rising tomato colour clashes horribly with her hair and she grabs the Naruko by the back of her neck to keep her still. Naruto winces. "Use this one and change her Naruto. Give her some clothes and turn her hair and eyes to different colours." Sakura's voice comes out strained but Naruto is reluctantly impressed. Sakura is clearly better at anger management than she lets on. 

 

"You should also get rid of the whisker lines, dead-last," Sasuke inputs, a flush of colour on his neck and huh. Naruto files that information for later and raises his hands to do as he's told. He goes through each clone, recycling through every feature he saw on the magazines when he developed the Sexy no Jutsu but Sakura's face is disapproving and even Sasuke slightly shakes his head.

 

"They need to be average, less noticeable. These would attract attention everywhere we go." Sasuke says and Naruto nods, frowning. 

 

Quietly, he raises his hands and goes through every single face that has ever sneered or hurt him, every small face that turned up saying they couldn't be his friend anymore, every teacher that kicked him out of their class and when he's finished, a myriad of faces stare back at him. Old and young, boy or girl, shinobi or civilian - they all stare at him with the same heavy understanding. 

 

The Naruko in Sakura's arms unwinds and reaches out to touch his arms. She's no longer a sexy version of him - her light brown hair falls lightly over her back and her brown eyes stare at him in concern. She was the only one he did differently. Looking up at Teuchi's eyes, he gives her a crooked smile and then looks past her to Sasuke and Sakura. "Now what?"

 

Sakura stares thoughtfully at his clones. "Give me a minute," she murmurs. She taps her fingers against her lips, "Hmm, we'll need some way to convey the messages from the clones to us."

 

She turns towards Sasuke, "Do you think...?" Sasuke furrows his brow and then inclines his head.

 

"Dead-last," he says, "make another clone and see if you can transform it into a small bird. Something native to fire country."

 

"Try a pigeon if you can," Sakura inputs and briefly, Sasuke looks impressed. 

 

"There are too many of those damn things," Naruto grouches but he tries and this time it's effortless. The clone flutters towards Sasuke, testing out its new form and Sasuke grabs it carefully. 

 

"Sakura," he says distractedly and Sakura is already unwinding her pouch to pass along a messenger scroll, threaded to fit over the pigeon's chest. She concentrates and the messenger necklace shimmers before it disappears from view. 

 

"I can only do a few but they should last for a couple of hours." But Sasuke is already shaking his head. He looks at her directly and once again, Sakura flushes a tomato colour.

 

"No. Naruto and I'll handle the fighting but without finding Kakashi that's useless. Use your chakra for this, for as many as you can and memorise the information Naruto's clones send along." 

 

Sakura nods shakily and Sasuke turns his attention back to Naruto. "How many more of those clones can you make Naruto?"

 

Naruto shrugs. "Dunno. I never really tested it." He scratches his head. "The first time I made them I made around two hundred easy though - so it should be fine. How many do ya want?"

 

"Make a companion for every one of them," Sasuke nods towards his clones and Naruto bites his lips. This time when he forms his clones and slides his hands to transform them he only does a few pigeons. He transforms most of the others into Aburame insects and his clones fly off to nest under the other clones hair. 

 

"What?" He says defensively when Sakura gawks at him. "This way is easier, Sakura-chan can keep some of her chakra and it's less noticeable." 

 

"Hn," Sasuke says and Naruto knows that tone, though very rarely has he heard it directed at himself. Sasuke is pleased. He cracks a grin and laces his hands behind his head.

 

"You want anything else?" He asks sunnily and Sakura throws him a startled look as she goes through his pigeon clones. 

 

Sasuke nods. "One last thing," he says pensively, "Create a couple more clones and rig traps up for Kakashi. Doesn't matter if it gets the civilians since most of your pranks are harmless but very inconvenient."

 

"Oh," Sakura breathes, "Kakashi-Sensei gave us permission to 'go crazy' didn't he?"

 

This time Naruto's grin is maniac and Sasuke's answering smirk says it all. A devious smile steals over Sakura's face as she finishes the last of her genjutsu touch up. "Well?" She cocks her head, "What are we waiting for boys?" 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can anyone guess why Kakashi had manuals like that lying around when he's such a genius and had already mastered them at the age of 5??
> 
> Also, as you can see none of the kids really have their canon personalities. They just seem to have minds of their own and came alive like that but I'm growing fond of them. Hope you guys liked this chapter!
> 
> P.S. anyone else get grievously hurt when they realised that Naruto's reference for normal was scorn or hurt?


End file.
